There I was - a young man in a crowded Chicago bar. It was 2am, and I was slightly intoxicated.
I had just been denied by the girl I foolishly spent the whole night talking to, and I "celebrated" by taking a couple more shots.
Suddenly, all the alcohol I had drank that night came rushing to my bladder, so I decided to head to the bathroom before calling it a night.
After stumbling through the crowd, I finally made it to the dilapidated bathroom that was located downstairs. When I walked in, I was met with a shocking sight.
There, standing in the middle of the men's bathroom in a shitty bar at 2 in the morning, was a topless blonde breastfeeding what looked like a newborn babe.
Whether I was too drunk, or just in shock at what I was seeing, I couldn't seem to move or speak.
The silence was broken when the woman, clearly appalled that I was staring, yelled, "Do you mind?" and proceeded to squirt her breast milk at my face.
The woman's attempt to hit me was successful. Without saying a word - drunkenly thinking I was somehow in the wrong - I walked out of the bathroom, wiped the breast milk from my face, and exited the bar.
Since it all happened so fast, it wasn't until the next morning that I was able to process the absurdity of what had happened the night before.